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The Unpaid Therapists
The Lived Reality
It is a late Friday night; the wind is howling loudly outside, and rain is pounding against the pavement. There is an exam the next day, and this is the only night to study.
You are hunched over your textbook when your phone lights up, and it is your best friend. She is crying hysterically and needs your advice and comfort.
You are conflicted, as you really need to study, but your best friend is in despair. You set aside your studies, sit up, and prepare yourself to hear your friend vent.
Before you know it, it is 4:00 AM, and you missed your chance to study, and your alarm will be going off in two hours.
Increased Venting, Caretaker Guilt, and Where to Draw the Crisis Line
Separating Academic from Friendship
From the first semester of learning active listening, different counseling techniques and theories, clinical triage, students in these majors notice a shift in how friends interact with them. Questions become more frequent, and casual chats morph into pseudo-intake sessions.
A psychology student, who asked that their name be withheld, explained that their major acted like an open invitation for friends to offload trauma. “The moment my friends and family found out I was majoring in psychology, it stopped being regular gossip and became deep, heavy topics. They thought because I study this, I have an endless capacity to absorb it.”
For social work major Sorianys Barreiro, “I try not to give my friends advice like a therapist. Sometimes I do feel guilty that I can’t help more. For me, it is difficult to separate my life from my major, especially with my friends because I always want to help. I feel terrible that I can’t provide the same comfort as a licensed therapist would.”
Another student said how they were going to the movies with a friend and mentioned learning about different illnesses and the symptoms listed in the DSM-5-TR. Their friend took this as an opportunity to list “symptoms” they noticed in themselves and pushed for the student majoring in social work to diagnose them with bipolar disorder or clinical depression.
How to Set Boundaries
Professor Leonardo Gonzalez, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and instructor in the Human Services, pre-social work, and counseling program at PCCC, explains that peer relationships are deeply valued, but clear boundaries are crucial.
Based on the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) core values, Professor Gonzalez notes that supportive connections among peers and friends can be highly beneficial. However, students are not generally equipped with the clinical skills or training necessary to help someone process trauma or complex mental health concerns.
“It can lead to unintended consequences and unhealthy outcomes for the person in need,” Professor Gonzalez said, adding that student caretakers often become overwhelmed by the emotional burden, risking stress, burnout, compassion fatigue, or even vicarious trauma.
He advises students to clarify that their role is to offer friendship, not to serve as mental health professionals. While students may worry that having such a conversation could make their friend feel unsupported, or even abandoned, it can strengthen the bond. By expressing continued personal availability for emotional support while encouraging their friend to access professional services, students reinforce their true commitment to their friend’s long-term safety.
I love you, but I am not equipped to handle this
“Some individuals may hold the misconception that caring for someone or being a good friend requires unlimited and unrestricted access to their friend’s time, energy, and guidance. However, one of the healthiest ways to express care and concern for another person is by establishing clear boundaries and defining appropriate roles within the relationship.”
Professor Gonzalez
PCCC Offers Services (Wellness Center)
Facing a crisis or asking for help can be intimidating, but PCCC has been able to provide a safe and welcoming environment in the Wellness Center. The center provides free resources, including short-term counseling and free teletherapy sessions. Recognizing that students’ wellness goes beyond mental health, the center also houses a food pantry and partners with Single Stop. It is a non-profit that connects low-income individuals to government benefits. For those requiring long-term or specialized care, the center functions as a direct pipeline to external mental health agencies.